Messin' With Splendid
by reyrocks
Summary: Lifty and Shifty decide to mess around with their rival, Splendid, and they intend to make it painful. I DON'T OWN HTF
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've been meaning to upload this forever! This is so random and just for laughs, hope you all like it :3 I'm trying to be more active, so expect more from me soon! WOOT! HTF! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

_Messin' With Splendid_

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Cha-Ching!" the announcer's voice rang loudly into the microphone as the crowd roared with pleasure. Lifty stood on the stage, grinning. 'This is gonna be epic!' he thought. He looked around at the band and saw his brother and a few other people who were strangers to him. He didn't really care right now because his inner child was winning his excitement.

The band began to play; Lifty had a guitar and began to strum away. He could barely see his brother in the back playing the drums. When they started playing, Lifty knew something was off. He wasn't sure what chords he was playing, the A chord? The G chord? What song were they even playing? And his brother's beat was completely off. He wanted to yell over to him "can't you play any better than that?" But the crowd kept on screaming just as loud as when they had started.

Lifty was starting to become upset with himself, not just because of the fact that they were all horrible, it was that he couldn't even remember when or how they had even gotten on this stage in the first place. The stage was probably ten feet tall and he didn't see any steps anywhere. Then Lifty knew something must be wrong with him, maybe anxiety or something, but he could have sworn the lights were changing colors. Or maybe that was normal at concerts? How would he know? He couldn't think straight when the beat was this erratic. Then Lifty got a sudden feeling of hunger and then- no way. The crowd was turning into French fries?

"What is going on?" he said out loud. He really wanted to scream. Yes, this was definitely a feeling of anxiety; he thought he'd pass out. Wait was that possible? Was he-?

"Woah!" Lifty opened his eyes and blinked. 'Ah, only a dream,' he concluded as he got out of his bed and shook his dark green hair. His room was small, only room for a single bed. His twin brother, Shifty, had about the same size room next door to his. Lifty maneuvered his way out of his room through the piles of junk on the floor. Various stolen items and such lay scattered on the ground. Shifty's room was the same way. In fact, pretty much the entire apartment was that way. Lifty sighed. 'No use cleaning it up anyway.'

On his way out, he narrowly stepped out of the way of an old, rotten dish of who knows what, it looked like chili. Considering Lifty didn't eat chili, he assumed his brother had placed it there. Being his older brother, Shifty thought it was his duty to be the one to mess with his younger brother, even though they were only of few minutes apart. He often took trash or leftover food and threw it into his brother's room just to annoy him and make him clean it up. So when Shifty had started that, Lifty just usually took it and threw it right back at him.

When Lifty made it out of his room and into the living area, there Shifty was lying asleep on the couch, snoring away. He was most likely up until 3am watching TV and fell asleep on the couch, which happened a lot. Lifty was almost tempted to go back to his room and grab that bowl of chili and dump it on his brother's lap and say "here, breakfast is served."

Too late. His brother snorted awake to see his brother standing near the couch.

"Ugh, what time is it?" Shifty asked, groggily.

Lifty glanced at the clock. "12:36." he said. With that, Shifty threw his head back on the pillow. Assuming he was trying to go back to sleep, Lifty snatched the fedora hat off his brothers head and headed off to the kitchen. Shifty noticed this and quickly went after him to retrieve his hat. Lifty did this many times to get his brother up and out of bed because he wouldn't put it past Shifty to lie on the couch the entire day. He didn't know what was up with Shifty and that hat. Sometimes he thought he cared more about it than his own brother. 'Well when one day, he loses that hat, he won't be crying to me about it!' Lifty thought.

In the kitchen, Lifty grabbed some cereal and ate it straight from the box. When Shifty came and got his hat, he too searched he cupboards for something to eat, not having any success.

"Geez, quit eating all the food, Lift!" he complained.

"Me? I'm not the one who stays up the whole night and eats it all!" he replied.

"Then who else would?" said Shifty, obviously trying to keep the blame off himself. Lifty just rolled his eyes at his brother's comment. "I'll be right back," Shifty said and walked out the door. Lifty just continued to eat his cereal until his brother came back with a bag of potato chips.

"Where'd you get that?" Lifty asked.

"The neighbor's down the hall are on vacation, so I took it from their room. Heh, I found their car keys in there too, you can get just about anything there." Shifty replied.

"Nice!" Lifty made a mental note to go raid the neighbor's place later. The twins continued to eat their breakfast until they were finished. Now to plan on their daily activities. It was Saturday, so they didn't have to go to school, even though they skipped whenever they wanted.

"What are we gonna do, Shift? I'm bored."

"Yeah, we can't rob the bank because we just did that and there's no money left to steal." Shifty said. Being the thieves of the town, they regularly stole from banks and other venders throughout town. "Wanna go to the park and see if we can mug someone?"

"Sure, sounds good," Lifty replied. The two brothers made their way to the park; of course they were using the neighbor's car since Shifty coincidentally had the key. They could have taken their van, but that wasn't nearly as fun as taking someone else's car. When they got there, there weren't many people at the park to begin with. They saw many people from school, like Cuddles and Giggles who were sitting by a bed of flowers analyzing bugs for their science project, which the twins had no intentions of doing. They also saw Russell by the pond and Handy and Petunia, who waved at them, sitting on a bench chatting.

"I can't believe people actually come here to have fun," Lifty said.

"I know. It's a strange world out there, brother," Shifty replied to his brother's comment as they continued to walk on. They didn't see anyone particularly easy to steal from so they ended up with nothing.

'This bites' Lifty thought. Then they saw another familiar face. "Hey, check out Mr. Do-gooder." He was referring to another classmate of theirs, Splendid. Splendid was what he referred to himself as the town hero. When there were thieves, such as themselves, there had to be someone to stop them, and that was Splendid. He very much irked the two when he tried to foil their schemes. In school, his cheery attitude was almost too much for them to handle.

"Of course he would be doing community service," Shifty snorted. Splendid was speaking to a park manager, who was probably thanking him for his work and dedication to keeping the town beautiful, which people like Lifty and Shifty could care less about. The town was clean and tidy enough as it was if you asked them. If people really wanted to do community service, how about they come clean out their apartment!

"Tch, it irritates me how he thinks he's the greatest thing about his town," Lifty complained.

"Just ignore him, his head is full of hot air," Shifty said and they walked on. Lifty could almost feel the blue hero's eyes burning into his back. They quickly picked up the pace until they were out of Splendid's sight.

Lifty sighed. "We should really put that guy in his place, bro."

"Hell yeah," Shifty replied. "You know, that's actually a great idea. We could rough him up a little, till her stops acting like a girl half the time." Shifty chuckled at his own comment. "Seems like you're getting smarter every day, little bro," he said, ruffling Lifty's hair like he was a little kid.

"Dude! Not in public!" Lifty said embarrassed because he brother often liked to make him look ridiculous in front of people.

So the duo made their way back to their apartment to plot their newest scheme in finding a way to weaken Splendid. On the way back, Shifty rammed the 'borrowed' car into another one in the parking garage.

"Ahh, damn it!" Shifty cursed.

"At least no one's here to see it" Lifty said.

"Yeah, you see a camera anywhere?" They searched around.

"Nah, let's go before someone shows up." So they abandoned the newly dented car and headed up to their room. Shifty got to work in gathering things for their mission.

"Ok," said Shifty, "here are notebooks and pencils, bags to steal stuff, a camera, and a bag of chips. Oh, and I've got some other goodies for destruction of property."

"Cool," Lifty said looking over all the stuff, "Let's go!" So the twins scurried off downtown towards Splendid's house. It wasn't very large, but they could tell it was much nicer than their scrawny apartment. They hid in a bush by the window so they could peek inside.

"See him in there?" Shifty asked.

"No, but there was a car in the garage," replied Lifty.

"Whatever," said Shifty, "Meanwhile, we can graffiti his house." He tossed a can of spray paint to Lifty.

"Aww nice!" Lifty cheered.

"Yeah, but whatever you do, do not put your name anywhere."

"Got it." So they got to work on spray painting the hero's house. Lifty wrote on the siding some not appropriate messages while Shifty worked on drawing a giant middle finger. After about an hour, they'd finally finished.

"Good work my brother!" Shifty said admiring their work.

"Yeah, you too. This is truly a work of art," replied Lifty.

"Come on, let's see if he's there," Shifty said as they ran back to the window. Lifty hoped that none of the neighbors would become suspicious, even though the houses in this area of town were spaced out from each other at a good distance. When they made it back to the window, they saw that Splendid was watching TV, facing the other way, so there was no way of him seeing them. The window was now cracked so Shifty set up his mini camcorder so he could get a good picture and sound for when they'd need it. "Now, we wait for something interesting to happen." After a few minutes, they heard a 'ding' and Splendid got out of his seat and went into the kitchen. Lifty exchanged a confused look with his brother and continued to watch. They saw Splendid take a batch of cookies out of the oven.

"Oh my gosh, they're beautiful!" Splendid squealed as he stared at his cookies with stars in his eyes. The twins outside were trying so hard not to laugh at the fact Splendid enjoyed baking. 'That's such a girl thing!' Lifty thought. The next time he looked through the window, he saw him taking pictures of the cookies!

"Dude, this is brilliant!" Shifty whispered, trying not to laugh. He reached up and pressed the 'record' button on the camera. While the camera was rolling, it was filming Splendid talking to his creations and complimenting on about gorgeous they looked.

"Ok my pretties," he said to the cookies, like they actually understood him, "I'm going to get a quick shower and then I'll be sure to make you beautiful!~" Splendid skipped off to his room. When he was gone, Shifty said:

"Ok, we're going in. Take anything that might be of value."

"Alright, now we're getting to the fun part!" Lifty said excited. They snuck to the front door. Luckily, it was open. Inside was a simple house layout: living room, kitchen, and three doors leading to what they assumed was two rooms and a bathroom. Lifty and Shifty searched the house for money and other valuables.

"Hey, hey Lift! Ya know how he was taking pictures of those cookies? Look at this!" Shifty had a large book in his hands. It was a scrapbook of everything Splendid ever made.

"Holy crap! That is sick! Bring with you!" Lifty said.

"I am! That wuss probably thinks of it as a prized possession, ha!" They continued to search. In ten minutes time, they had come up with his safe, most of the food in his cupboards, the book, the flat screen, the computer, pretty much anything electronic, his wallet, and other knick-knacks. They would have taken his furniture, but they figured they wouldn't have enough time and they didn't have a moving truck with them. The twins laughed together in their success.

"Ok, anything else we should take before we scram?" Lifty asked.

"Hmm, oh! I got it! Be right back!" Shifty ran off into the room Splendid went into earlier. 'He better know what he's doing,' Lifty thought. He looked over at the counter and saw Splendid's cookies sitting there. He grabbed one and took a bite out of it.

"Woah!" Lifty said out loud, "They're really good!" He continued eating the cookies when Shifty ran back in.

"Ok, we gotta go, he'll be out in like five minutes," said Shifty.

"Wait, wait did you take?"

"All of his clothes. I left him a dress." Shifty smirked.

Lifty laughed. "I would have never thought of that!"

"Yeah, I didn't even spare him his heart underwear," Shifty said, "Come on let's get out of here!"

"Wait! Let's take the cookies!"

"Wha-why?" Shifty asked surprised.

"They're good!"

"Dude, we are not taking that girl's cookies!" Shifty said sternly.

"But we can't just waste good cookies!" Lifty protested.

"No, we aren't gon-mm" Lifty had shoved a cookie in his brother's mouth and made sure he swallowed it. "You could have killed me!"

"Isn't it good?" Lifty asked ignoring Shifty's comment.

Shifty sighed. "Ok yeah, take em' with you."

"Yeeess!" Lifty cheered.

"Wait! Leave one," Shifty said.

"Why?"

Shifty got out from a bag a little bottle with pills inside. He took a cookie and shoved the pill in the cookie and hid it so it looked like a chocolate chip.

"Are you trying to get him drugged up?" Lifty asked.

"What? No, after he eats this and takes a drink, he'll be in for a big surprise." The twins chuckled together. "And if we're lucky, we'll have it on video."

"Great, now let's ditch this place!" So the twins ran out of the house with all the loot they'd collected. "Hey Shift, how're we gonna get home with all his stuff without looking extremely awkward?" Lifty asked.

"You're right." Shifty thought for a minute. "To the car!" he ran off to the garage door and Lifty followed him. The door was open, so they went inside. I guess Splendid has an issue with locking doors, or he's just stupid. The examined the car. They thought it was good enough so they loaded their bags in the back. Shifty sat in the driver's seat while Lifty in the passenger's.

"Aw no!" Shifty said angrily.

"What?"

"We need a key!"

"Shit!" The two sat there for, not knowing what to do next. "Oh! I got it!" Lifty got out of his seat and went to the front of the car.

"What are you doing?" Shifty asked confused.

"I'm gonna hot-wire this thing."

"You can do that?"

"Yeah Shifty, I actually watch TV when you're not hogging it." That kept his brothers mouth shut while he got to work. He attached some wires and what not, Shifty could care less, and soon they had the car running. Lifty hopped back in the passenger's seat.

"Nice work lil bro!" Shifty complimented him.

"Thanks, now let's beat it."

"You got that right." Shifty put on the gas and zoomed out of the driveway towards their apartment. Their wild laughter could be heard from all around town.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Sorry I almost forgot about this ^^ It's only three chapters so one more after this! Got some good reviews so I'm glad you guys liked it! This chapter's kinda short so sorry..the next one's gonna be the same way probably x) if you guy want me to write another HTF story, I might be able to; I'm getting back into writing again after I gave up editing videos and I have some great ideas for other series! I'll see what ya think, anyway, enjoy this chapter!**

Splendid was still in the shower by the time the twins were out of there. He was so intrigued by his success; he wanted to bask in his glory. 'Today was great!' he thought. He had no idea what was coming at him. Splendid hopped out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel. He walked out into his room. He went to get his clothes he left lying on the bed but strangely enough, they weren't there. He went over to his dresser and found it empty. By now, Splendid was completely and utterly confused. Where were his clothes? Now that he noticed, his wallet was gone from his desk. 'Oh no,' he thought. He opened the door and saw that his house had been ransacked from food to the TV and anything else worthwhile.

"Oh come on!" he shouted angrily at nothing in particular, "Just when everything is going so great, this happens!" He went back into his room and slammed the door and just lied on the bed. He guessed he was lucky enough that the thieves hadn't stolen that. Obviously whoever had done this had planned this out in advance. They'd left him with no food, no clothes, and no way of contacting anyone. Just then he remembered his cell phone. He kept it in his desk; hopefully they hadn't searched through it.

At least one good thing happened to Splendid. His phone was there. He picked it up and searched through the contacts to see who he could call without being completely humiliated. All the girls were a definite no. The only person who seemed most likely to call was Lumpy, considering he'd probably forget about the whole incident in a matter of minutes being the absent-minded person he was.

He dialed the number and waited. After a few rings, Lumpy answered the phone.

"Hello?" he said in a bemused tone.

"Lumpy, it's Splendid."

"Well howdy Splendid! How are you on this fine day?"

"Yeah, about that-"

"Say, you don't happen to know the date do you?" Lumpy interrupted him.

"No Lumpy. Anyway I called because-"

"It sure was a nice day today wasn't it?"

"Yeah, sure, are you going to listen to what I have to say?" Splendid said impatiently.

"Suuure! What do you need?" replied Lumpy.

"Someone snuck into my house and stole all my electronics and such. Can you bring over some clothes?"

"Aww, that must be embarrassing. Sure I can Slpend! I'll be over in a jiffy!" Lumpy had no idea how stupid be sounded.

"Ok, thanks, and don't forget where you're going!" Splendid warned.

"Now when have I ever done that?" Lumpy asked. He could think of a few good occasions.

"Whatever, just get here soon."

"Okie dookie!" Lumpy hang up.

Splendid sighed. "This could take a while." He lied on the bed and waited for Lumpy.

Splendid opened his eyes. He sat up and realized that he'd fallen asleep for the night, which meant Lumpy hadn't shown up yet. Not that it surprised him; if the guy worked as a paramedic, everyone would be doomed to die. He walked out of his room, still wrapped in the towel, and sighed at the sight before him. Everything he valued had been stolen. How could this have happened? He never had problems with robbers before. He thought maybe he should start locking his doors.

Just then he heard a knock on the door. He went over and answered it. Lumpy had finally arrived.

"Glad you could finally make it, Lumpy," Splendid said.

"Man, I am so jealous of your house!" Lumpy said in awe, "It's so colorful, in more ways than one!"

"What?" Splendid stepped outside and saw what was before him. Not only did the thieves rob him, but they defaced his property! There on the siding was a giant middle finger and many messages that could get him in prison if someone saw them. Splendid stood there gaping. "Who would do this?!" he said.

"I don't know man, but I want them to come do it to my place!" Lumpy said obviously not getting any of this. "Hey you wanna put some close on or something?" Splendid almost forgot he was still wearing the towel. Out in public.

"Yeah did you bring clothes like I asked?"

"Did I do what now?" Lumpy had forgotten the whole reason for coming over here, so it was unlikely he'd remember clothes for Splendid.

"You know, I told you I was robbed and didn't have anything to wear. I can't believe you forgot!" Splendid said.

"Ok, hold your horses! We can improvise for now!" Lumpy skipped inside the house to see if he could make a makeshift outfit. Splendid followed him inside feeling depressed. Lumpy had disappeared somewhere, not that he cared. He sat down on the chair and waited for Lumpy to appear. A few minutes later, Lumpy came out of his room. "Look what I found!" he said.

"Oh no, I am not wearing that!" Lumpy had brought out a pink frilly dress; something Giggles would wear.

"Just for now so you don't have to walk out in that towel. Come on, try it on!" Lumpy encouraged.

"No."

"Do it."

"No."

"Dooo it. Doooooo i-"

"Alright! Geez!" Splendid grabbed the dress from Lumpy's hands and headed for the bathroom. 'I can't believe I'm doing this!' he thought. He put the dress on and glanced in the mirror. He looked absolutely horrifying. Splendid stomped angrily out of the bathroom.

"Awww see that's not so bad!" said Lumpy.

"Shut up," Splendid muttered. Today was the most humiliating day of his life.

"Welp, I guess you could use some new clothes...and furniture...and some food-"

"I get it," Splendid silenced him, "Let's just get in your car and go."

"Car? What car?" Lumpy said confused.

"You mean to tell me you walked here?!"

"Yeah, I walk everywhere. Saving the earth ya know?"

Splendid just stood there, his eye twitching slightly. This meant he had to go out in public. Wearing a pink frilly dress. Where everyone could see him.

"Well come on, Splendid!" Lumpy said as he walked towards the door, "Didn't think you'd wanna stay in that dress all night long!" He laughed and walked outside. Splendid gaped for a minute more until he finally began to shuffle towards the door, laughing hysterically before his laughter turned into cries.

'I really hate my life.'

As expected, their outing went horribly wrong. Everyone gave Splendid strange looks and some even made rude remarks which were much too inappropriate to share. As soon as they were near a department store, Splendid made a v line for the men's section. Much to his dismay, his wallet had also been hijacked leaving him with zero cash or credit cards. Lumpy, being the retard he was, didn't have any form of money on him either. They were extremely lucky the cash register lady was a fan of his and gave him the clothes for free.

Since they had no money, there was nothing else they could do but go home. Splendid could not purchase anything until he went to the bank to make a deposit, which was on the opposite side of town and without a car, it was a long trip.

"Gee, I sure had a great time hanging out with you Splendid!" Lumpy said as they approached Splendid's not-anymore-humble-but-defaced-abode.

"Leave." Splendid said plainly.

"What?"

"JUST LEAVE!"

"Ok, see ya later bud!" Lumpy skipped happily away, while Splendid slammed the door shut.

He sighed as he sank to the floor, cursing the foul-minded thieves who dare defile his home. It was midnight by now, but Splendid was in no mood to sleep. He then spotted on the counter one lone cookie. He had completely forgotten about the cookies he'd made earlier! Of course, all were gone but one.

"It's ok little guy," he soothed the inanimate object, "We'll make it through together...with you in my stomach." He took a bite of his precious creation. "Weird...tastes kinda-SHIT!" All of a sudden, he fell to the ground, stunned, foaming at the mouth. 'What the hell?' In a matter of minutes, he was knocked out on the floor, but before he lost conscience, he pondered who would've done his and it came to him: 'Those twins!'

**A/N - Please review**


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